Saturday, May 30, 2015

Dreaming

There is a sur-realness to my time here in Oxford. I walk the same old roads and quite a few new ones and I am struck by the old problem of contextualizing it all. Too long to be a holiday, too short to live in this moment, and I'm caught between a desire to plan and a desire to let things go. I find myself wishing that I had a job, a place I need to be, or a thing I need to do. I don't think my situation is in any way unique to recent college grads or anyone in a transition period of their life. So I guess that's all I really have to say, I'm stuck dreaming trying to decide if I'm going to have a nightmare or a daydream and that anxiety is my only issue.

This last week has been a mix of heavy exercise and indulgence. I started the week by going to fitness on Monday night. It was wonderful to relive the Monday night fitness experience and I felt pretty good about it though I combined it with a bike ride from Headington and back. It was nice seeing the friendly faces adding to the surreal feeling.

I can tell that I've settled in a bit more at The Coven as it is so lovingly named. I made quiche earlier in the week and made plans to make all of the other things that I promised. This includes biscuits and white gravy, a breakfast food that seems to baffle my UK friends.

Sara has made her way to Oxford as well and it was a miraculous feeling having the Archery Novice squad (sans a few members) back together again. I also got to spend the day listening to the wonderful concert choir of William Jewell perform. Watching them always gives me chills and I was so proud of Sara and her solos. Still watching the choir has always filled me with a twinge of regret. One of my few goals freshman year at William Jewell was to make the concert choir. I took voice lessons and did as much as I could given my already hefty course load I was taking (but maybe even that is an excuse, I believed that I was good enough), but my year in Oxford without any musical practice, no choirs or lessons, and my emotional state during the start of last year my audition, particularly the sight reading part, was worse than any year prior. While I'm grateful that I didn't have to tour for the last few weeks and could spend that time here in Oxford, I miss the feeling of being a part of a chorus, of adding my voice to a part and that crunchy feeling of singing harmony with another. It was a reminder that I failed in some regard to reach all of my goals and with so much uncertainty over the next few months, I couldn't help but feel that failing more acutely. I'm glad I went and got to see a few of my Jewell friends one last time, I also met up with some people who I will be seeing in a few weeks, and finally made plans with Sara and others which I will be going to tonight. As always, the people make everything worth while.

I spent most of the week lazing about with a few adventures. It's been awhile since I've been able to indulge in video games, movies, and have eaten quite so much bacon. To match though, I've been trying to keep up with my exercise. Jenny, one of the members of the Coven, occasionally joins me on my jogs and had been an off and on work out buddy. Today we went on a longer adventure than I had anticipated but it reminded me about one of the things I love about Oxford. Within ten minutes of jogging, I left city scape to country side. Thirty minutes later I was atop a hill with a beautiful view of the countryside. After an hour, I'm in a neighbouring town all together. If I go fifteen minutes in the other direction, I'm in the middle of city centre. Accessibility to such a variety of environments encourages me to travel. I enjoy exercising here and I'm a little surprised I had the 6.3 mile journey in me, but I always find my endurance increases when I'm on a new journey taking a new path.



Two of the remaining applications I put out for jobs here in the UK closed this week and I hope to hear about interviews soon. Wish me luck. If anything else, my boyfriend starts his three week holiday today as well. As always, I hope that I find more and answers and new questions before next time. Until then, Adventures Await.

~KH

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