Sunday, February 23, 2014

Re-education in Social Gatherings

While it may seem that this blog often gets the worse side of my experiences here, I do have a lot of good moments. In particular, this week has been an extremely good one.

I have been experiencing a sense of lethargy and lack of initiative over the last couple of weeks. I think this is due primarily to the grind of school work and the monotony of it all. Additionally, despite all of the good, I was clearly coming down with some kind of cold (I'm guessing I caught it at St. Catz). About half way through the week, I was living on ibuprofen (Of course not to an excessive degree, I followed the warning label) to not remind me of my sore throat. The winding down of term also meant that I needed to focus and get travel plans for next break sorted out which honestly stressed me out given the struggle I face last break. Despite all of this, I was in a considerably good mood for most of the week.

Physically, I feel great. The Jillian Michael's work out made me feel a lot stronger and with greater endurance and in general more comfortable with my body. I began a new work out routine under the guidance of a friend of mine which involves a core and strength routine twice a week, archery fitness once a week, and then jogging whenever I want to fill in the time. I'm planning on making a more regulated schedule with jogging on Tuesday, Thursday and Sunday and Strength/fitness on Monday, Wednesday and Saturday, taking Friday off. Archery fitness this week was also special, as one of the members brought Champagne to celebrate the A team's first place win at BUTC championship. One of the coaches, Nat, then gave me a ride through town in her land rover, which was an experience in itself. When I jogged to fitness that day, I was amazed at how much endurance I had acquired. Despite feeling a bit too full from a snack I had had before, I ran much farther than I had in November. The weather had also improved dramatically here. It was warmer than it had been for a few weeks and the sun was even out. This likely contributed to my good mood as I saw a rainbow on my way back from archery on Friday morning and then had a lovely 30 minute jog later that day. Both fitness and weather have a huge effect medically speaking on one's mood and I really see the value in taking care of one's fitness as a form of anti-depressant. If anything, I've learned that I can't stop and that this life style change needs to be a permanent one.

Given the sort of wretched experience I had at social gatherings in the last week and the realization that the friendships that I was forming in both Archery and the role playing society were one's that I wanted to foster and were the parts of my life here in Oxford that I truly enjoyed, I made an effort to be more present in both (within in enough reason to make sure that I was doing my school work as well). This was also a good choice on my part. The society game on Tuesday was a lot of fun and then on Friday I went to the usual 5th week pub crawl (though slightly belatedly). It was really awesome to get to hang out more with the people who until then I had mostly only known through their characters. It also helped that the role playing society finally got a facebook group so that I could friend ALL the people. I even just went on a walk with one of my role playing society friends and chatted about life,philosophy, science, and travel while enjoying the beautiful weather.

As for archery, I went to all the shooting sessions during the week, with exception to the one outdoors on Saturday (do be explained soon) and then went to our annual dinner on Saturday night. Another highlight of this week was the ordering of my own bow which will arrive on Monday. I found that once you had ordered your own kit, it was difficult to feel motivated to shoot the club kit. Thankfully it is only two more sessions of shooting before I can start playing around with my new equipment. Annual dinner was also a lot of fun. My two close friends, Sara and Sarah, all got together to get ready and do some pre-drinking, followed by a reception of champagne, before walking to the Boathouse for a nice dinner and plenty of wine. Safe to say that after more than a few drinks, I was in a good mood. But despite that, it was good to talk to everyone and see everyone dressed up. It was the type of gathering that I wished St. Catz ball had been. I really cherish the people that make up my role playing society and archery families. These are the types of social experiences that I want to be having.

Other than all of this, which has made my week quite grand, I managed to stay on task enough to complete all my work in a timely fashion. I am constantly amazed by my own efficiency, needing little more than an hour and a half to physically write an essay and thus, having plenty of free time on my hands. On Saturday (I had a busy Saturday), I met with Sara and Ben and we made some decisions and actually started the planning process for break. It looks like Sara and I will be going to York for the weekend of St. Patrick's day, followed by a few days in Paris and then I will continue on the Barcelona where I will fly back to the States. After about 2 and a half weeks at home, I will fly back to London and go on the Archery Isle of Man trip. Then I will go to Loch Lomond in Scotland for a few days of hiking and nature immersion before ending the trip with a few days in Athens, Greece at Ben's aunt. I will be travelling alone for parts of this break and that is a bit nerve racking but also exciting. Hopefully, I can work out more of the details today given that my tutor has yet to give me this weeks assignment.

So, with all of this, I am in quite a good physical, mental, and emotional state. This trip has taught me all the things that make my life feel fulfilled and happy and allowed me to tailor my life around this. I look forward to another good week.

Adventures Await

KH

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Lessons in Social Gatherings

This week has been one of the busier weeks (hence the later than usual blog post). For once it isn't archery that takes centre stage in my life, but rather a number of social events and of course Valentines day. This week also marked the end of Sara and My 30 Jillian Michael's work out challenge.

I will start with Jillian, because it is more of an aside than the main topic that I would like to cover in this post. Yesterday (Saturday) was the last day of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. It was still tough but we managed to push through. I haven't felt this good about my body in awhile and I am proud of our accomplishment. I really do love participating in and completing fitness and I already have another routine set up around the corner to keep up the hard work! I can't let myself deteriorate because Jillian is done.

So on to the meat of the topic which came up a lot this week. I am going to preface this by talking about myself for a moment. I have always sort of been a line jumper when it comes to the introverted and extroverted spectrum. I really enjoy large social gatherings, provided I know at least a few people, and I enjoy meeting new people. I can be outgoing and charming when I need to be. That being said, I also really prefer small groups and getting to know people. Whatever the setting, I know that people make any event or occasion and so the people I chose to spend my time with are highly valued. I'm at my happiest when I am with good friends.

There were two major events this week that I participated in that I really just didn't end up liking all that much. The first was a crew date. Now a crew date is not particularly common or heard of in the US, but essentially two groups, generally one all girl group and one all guy group, agree to meet for dinner and hang out and get to know each other. It is always assumed that plenty of drinking is to occur with the hope that in a group setting that is more relaxed people will open up. Plus there isn't the pressure of having to drive conversation. That being said, there really wasn't all that much conversation. As I sat at the Indian restaurant across from strangers I had only just met nearing the end of the night, I was struck by how little I knew about them. Everyone had gotten fairly drunk and I could tell that meeting new people in the sense that you actually get to know them was not really the purpose of the outing. Rather, this was a perfect example of a phenomena that seems quite popular among my generation in particular. What I will call "pick up" culture, in which the only purpose of a meeting is to find a casual partner. It is designed in such a way that there is a certain expectation that a casual one night stand is perfectly acceptable and given that everyone's inhibitions are low, common. As soon as the night was over and I could remember only one of the three gentleman's names and knew next to nothing about them, I dashed and turned in for the night. It is not that I don't see the appeal of the "pick up" culture and I certainly don't judge people for wanting or engaging in it. It isn't something I want at this point in my life. When I reflect on the types of relationships I want to foster and develop, the "pick up" culture guy is just not it.

Feeling naturally disappointed at the lack of fun I felt due to the strange social pressure of the "pick up" culture, I was quite hopeful that the ball that I was attending at St. Catherine's would be a redemption. I got all dressed up and Sara continued to masterfully do my hair and make up. Plus, given that the last day of Jillian was the morning of the ball, I also felt physically accomplished. I felt good in my dress, having to lace the corseted bodice about as far as was possible for the dress, and still finding that the top struggled to stay up.


When we got to St. Catz ball, I was hopeful. There was an amazing amount of things to do. Plenty of food, drink, shisha, dancing at one of 4-5 dance areas, and even laser tag. But was also readily apparent was that it was an overbooked ball. The food was perhaps the worst of it, as no semblance of a queue ever existed. Rather it was a mob of slightly tipsy people pushing, shoving, and grasping for what little food could be offered up at a time. I was surprised I even managed to snag a piece of, while admittedly warm and delicious, not worth the trouble, pizza. There were plenty of drinks, though none were particularly strong enough to alter my state of awareness. Similarly, people rudely bumped or poured their drinks all over my dress and within the first two hours, nice dark stains raced up and down the dark blue fabric. I was pissed and frustrated. The consumption of so much food and drink ultimately made me a bit lethargic, but I did enjoy some dancing. It was at this point though that I was struck by how few people I knew at the ball. There were plenty of Regent's people around, but of those I would count as friends, there were few and there was certainly a lack of archery and roleplaying society people, with whom I spend a lot of my time. As a result, I clung to Sara who was more than happy to accommodate. Probably the highlight of the night was when we found our mutual friend Amelia and got a chance to go through the photo booth.
#


Overall though, I was once again struck with this "pick up" culture. At one point in the evening, when I was getting rather tired, a guy started hitting on me but it became quickly apparent that all he wanted was sex. I managed to get away and was at this point fed up with the ball. I unfortunately had to stay for the next two hours, as I couldn't leave Sara and I had her checked coat ticket. This gathering was nothing more than a Crewdate on a much larger scale with a few more things to do. I don't regret going as much as I wish more people that I knew and who actually cared about who I was as a person were there. Thankfully a friend kept me company via text late into the night, so that I wasn't entirely bored.

So what do these two events have in common. Drinking. I think that having such a rich drinking culture only furthers the "pick up" culture and I, at this moment in my life, do not like it. People make my life. Whether it be family or friends, I find that I can't enjoy the activities I do without at least some company. No, I don't need to be with people all the time and I can enjoy detoxing in my room with TV or movies. But when it comes to living and acting and doing...I would rather have a friend by my side.

Once again, this trip has revealed more about myself and my limitations. Who knows what will happen in the next week. Until then.

Adventures Await

KH

More Hair Pics! Look at how Sara has outdone herself!


Valentine's day Hair:

St. Catz Ball Hair:

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Health, Happiness, and Archery

This week has been continued revelations on what makes me happy and healthy and why when June comes around I am going to be reminded that life is a string of beautiful moments that you can't recapture, you can only cherish them while you have them.

Let's start the week off with Cambridge. Now I know I promised pictures but in truth, I just didn't take any. When we go to an archery tournament, it is often go, go, go with little time to enjoy the scenery (plus being the middle of winter, the scenery isn't always all that pretty or enjoyable anyway). From the very brief impression I got of Cambridge, it has a slightly more industrial feel than Oxford. Similarly, its city is a bit more of a labyrinth with no cause and more spread out. Though even these impressions feel funny as the only thing I truly remember from Cambridge was how it was one of the worst shoots that I have ever done. My head was just not in the game and every shot felt unnatural and wrong and I couldn't figure out how to fix it. Frustrated and upset by the end shooting a measly 376, a good 60 points lower than my pb (personal best) and 40 lower than competition pb, I gave up thinking about it in favour of the Indian food we would have later that night.

Over the next week, I would try to find joy through problem solving. Tuesday night role playing society ended up being an exercise in problem solving and it was immensely pleasurable. I was once again reminded why I love role players and role playing. I also joined officially, the Oxford University Role Playing Society for life (trying to stay at least a little optimistic)! I also received my first assignment from my major tutorial and I was suddenly faced with a shorter than average deadline to get the work done. My time managing skills prevailed, and so this was only a minor annoyance.  Additionally, I went to archery and with a little coaching fixed one of the major problems in my form. Looking ahead to the tournament this past Saturday (yesterday) at Derby, I knew I would improve.


An additional challenge this week was the move from level 2 to level 3 of Jillian Michael's 30 day shred. The jump from level 2 to level 3 was not as difficult as I anticipated. I honestly found the jump from 1 to 2 much more difficult. That being said, it is not easy by any stretch of the imagination. Despite the work though, I do find myself to be more confident and comfortable with my body, than I have been in a long time. I also feel stronger and healthier in general. While some may question the healthy nature of the 30 day shred given its lack of rest days and also my own insanity in participating in an additional fitness session for Archery on Monday nights, I really do think that it has been an improvement and not a detriment so far. Once it is over, I will have to come up with a new regiment (perhaps less strenuous) and a friend has already offered his assistance.

My week continued with my first tutorial in science for this term. My tutor is very nice, though her home is 25 minutes away from campus, which only adds to my collection of walks here at oxford. Given the broader and more interdisciplinary nature of nutritional anthropology, I am not worries at all about my ability to speak on the subject and am not worried about the level of work it will be. I find the topic mildly interesting and in a lot of ways, learning about nutrition is more of a personal challenge than something I think will assist me in my major. That being said, regularly reading scientific papers is important and exposure to a variety of ideas can only assist me in my intellectual pursuits.

The week ended with the tournament at Darby and like I said, I definitely improved. The Archery session was a practice in patients and consistency. I got myself into a routine and continually worked to calm my nerves (for some reason I have gotten more and more nervous at away shoots). Yawning and deep breaths helped me to keep a slow pace and make sure that no arrow was wasted. As a result, I got a whopping 100 point improvement with a final score of 479 and a white pin demonstrating my ability to score above a 450. Last week this score would have allowed me to place in the ladies novice recurve, but unfortunately, my competition was a little stiffer and I likely came out 4th overall. I think something has clicked and it will be fine tuning that really pushes my ability to break the 500 barrier. There aren't many tournaments left.


I want to finish off as I usually do on a more philosophical or self introspective topic. All the time I have spent with archery and the people here in oxford has only made me realize how much people make a place home for me. I am not looking forward to leaving Oxford, not because the city itself is pretty or special, but because of the people that are in it. I know the realities of a long distant relationship (even just friendships) and even with skype and facebook, I know it will be difficult to maintain the relationships I have here. It is terrifying and saddening. The only thing I can do is live in this moment. Try to not let the rumblings of an uncertain future prevent me from enjoying today. It doesn't mean that it is easy, and I am not looking forward to another uprooting of my life.

On a more positive note/aside, over the break when I travelled with Sara, some people may have noticed that my hair was often braided. Sara is such a wonderful hairstylist/make up artist and she happens to find joy in playing with my hair (something I am well accustomed to). In her ingenuity and creativity, she has done some wonderful hair and make up for me (particularly on Friday nights when we have formal). I will post pictures here, because my posts have been lacking a bit in pictures lately.

The Front:
The Back:
A few weeks ago:



Until next time, Adventures Await!

KH

Saturday, February 1, 2014

Increasing the Difficulty

So another week has passed and besides reporting to you all the events of the week, I am nearly at a loss of what to say.

The week went by quietly and quickly. Sara and I have continued Jillian Michaels and began level 2 on Monday. This was a significant increase in difficulty, but I can tell, now that we are on day 6, that I have gotten stronger and I have noticed changes in my health and physique. I also got some hand weights in this week which have upped the difficulty as well. To match the increase with Jillian, Archery fitness also upped the difficulty by increasing the weights that we use for lifting. So, safe to say, last Tuesday, I was more than a little tired. But as I said before, I feel healthier and stronger and I am always uplifted by my determination and will power.

Archery was a week of settling out my form as best I can for the next round of the BUTTS tournament in Cambridge tomorrow. I think it will definitely be one of my competition bests, but then that is being a bit presumptuous. It is also the first competition that Sara will shoot in. Expect and update and pictures next week from the competition. It should be lots of fun and a cheap way to see Cambridge.

I had my first tutorial this week with Dr. Jordan Bell. It was the first tutorial that I had had where you read your paper aloud during the tutorial. The tutorial overall went great and Dr. Bell is such a nice person. While my views remain unchanged, its classification has been refined. For our next tutorial, we will be discussing Functionalism and Qualia. Qualia is just a fancy way to describe the "raw feels" or the immediate subjective qualitative experience of an individual. What it is like to be yourself. So far the readings have been interesting and I look forward to discussing them further.

As for my major tutorial, that has finally been sorted. My tutor finally replied and she has excusably been deathly ill for the last two weeks. She suggested that they find me a new tutor and that is what the lovely ladies in the admissions office have been doing. My new tutor (as of yesterday) will be Dr. Emma Coleman-Jones and she specializes in infectious tropical diseases and nutritional anthropology. I will have 5 tutorials with her this term and then 3 tutorials next term. This term we will be focusing more on nutritional anthropology and looking at obesity and diabetes. Given that my mom is a physician's assistant at a bariatrics clinic, I will likely have a lot to discuss with her about it.

Finally, I would like to talk about a more personal matter. I've come to realize that perhaps, for the last many months, since about August really, I have been bottling up my emotions. I didn't even realize that I had started doing it. I would get sad or angry, I could even cry, but I didn't actually feel the emotions. I always regarded them with an odd sort of distance and not at all. Sometimes this was a good thing. It kept me level headed when a number of difficult problems arose. I was better able to let go of things beyond my control. I got so good at refraining from feeling those emotions that I bairly realized I was doing it. In the last couple months, I would look at these emotions with frustration. Because I believe in the power of catharsis. Sometimes you have to feel the sadness and really cry to let out the emotion. Or be angry. Because I was ignoring these feelings, it became more and more difficult to feel happiness and joy. Even when doing things or being with people I loved.

 Now I bring this up, not so everyone can give advice or sympathize, but because I feel like I have finally opened the bottle. Last night, I cried, truly cried for the first time in months. I was both simultaneously relieved and overjoyed. It was a very strange sensation. Today, I feel more refreshed and renewed than I have in awhile and maybe even a little happy.  I am telling you all this because I would like to mark this moment in my personal history, through this blog. It is a part of my adventures here and also a part of the self exploration that I am able to do here. I realize that sometimes I treat this blog with more honesty and openness than most. I guess it is because I trust you all. And I know that most of the people that read this are already the people I love.

On that note, I leave you until next time.

Adventures Await!

KH