As always, my travels were more successful at turning my attention inward rather than outward. The first week was a lot of fun and for once, I felt that I managed to do travelling the right way. It was almost a vacation and I got to enjoy seeing the sights of York, Paris and Barcelona. That week reflected the best of the days we had had on our first break between terms and I was pleased that I had learned some of the tricks of travelling that made things run much more smoothly. It was also nice to spend time with Sara again, as I felt like we had grown a bit farther apart over the last term as we both had different obligations and interests.
My flight home however was a big mix of emotions. I really looked forward to going home and there was a sense of relief that washed over me as I realized I would not have the stress of travel. At the same time I was struck by the lack of novelty at coming home. The US is my home, no matter how long I am away, and the thing about going home, is that it isn't a new experience. You fall into all your old habits and behaviours. Everything is just as you remember it and nothing particularly huge has changed. Some would find this comforting, but I will admit that I was a little disappointed. I looked forward to culture shock in a sense. I was hoping to be confronted with America-ness after being away and for this to be some opportunity to reflect and better understand my culture.
Instead, I could have been flying home from somewhere from the states. It was almost too familiar. As I tried to implement changes into my life to reflect all of the habits that I had made in Oxford, ones that made me happy, I found it much more difficult than I had anticipated. This was largely due to the relative expansiveness of the US. With greater distances, I found I was almost forced into leading a more sedentary lifestyle. I resented this fact, but also knew that even if I did find a temporary set up at home, I was very quickly going to be moving around for the next half dozen years of my life. The weight of the realization that I was never going to be able to establish lasting habits until I had actually settled down was a bit depressing. It was wonderful to see my family and I missed them quite a bit. It was also great to see people back at Jewell and for a moment glimpse what my senior year was going to look like. Unfortunately, all of this was tinted by the lack of my more idealized lifestyle. Having a good environment had impacts that extended farther than I had anticipated. It made me seriously consider how I should chose my future Medical school and take seriously the agency I have in designing my life through my choice.
My return to the UK was as anticlimactic as my return to the US. I once again fell into the rhythm of travelling. My time on the Isle of Man would be the highlight of the break. Here was what a vacation was for me. Surrounded by a large group people who I really cared about, engaging in physical activities that were largely nature based, and staying in a very comfortable location for the night. What can I say, I'm used to vacations with a minimum of 5 people including myself. I have an extended family that regularly meets up as a group of about 10 on weekends. Family affairs are easily 15-20 people in attendance. Annually, I go on a camping trip with that extended family. I know most people find large groups daunting when it comes to travel, but I believe it fosters the best bonds and creates the best stories. There is no pressure on any one individual to make up all of the experience. Once again, this lesson is going to change the way I think about planning vacations.
The remainder of the trip would be a lesson too. A lesson that sometimes things go awry and you have to make the tough decisions and lose money in order to insure that another's health and safety are secured. I can honestly say that the decisions I made were easy decisions and the mantra of last break, that everything will work out in the end, most certainly remained true. I was also given a lesson in carelessness and while I may have been tired, or I may have been stressed, I need to allow for things to go wrong and where it is important make proper insurances. I am still vaguely frustrated that I lost the money, but even this I find odd. It was never in all the time that I have been in the Europe because I missed out on location or didn't get to see something. Despite thinking that I had all these dreams and aspirations of travelling to places, I didn't really care where I went or what I saw while I was here. It all goes back to that feeling of awe that seems to be missing throughout this entire experience. I hate to think that I have become cynical or bored with life, because that is quite the opposite of how I feel.
Our return to Oxford was much anticipated by myself and I really was looking forward to getting back into the lifestyle I favoured. On the first day back, after all of my things were unpacked. I went for a jog at University Parks. The flowers were all in bloom and it was a reasonably nice day out (a little rainy but this is the UK). I wanted to get back to activity, so much so that Friday morning I couldn't stand for longer than five minutes due to the blisters and bruises I had given my feet walking and shooting the day before. I even prepared and wrote my first essay of term. Everything has been pretty grand actually. Shooting outdoors brings new challenges, but I am extremely excited to face them. Here is to a good new term and as always, I will keep you updated.
Until then,
Adventures Await!
KH
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