I was really excited for this trip. One, I was going to finally go mountain climbing (a task I had been planning and failing to do for almost a year now), two, I was going to see the places that my best friend loved and had told me about, and finally, and most importantly, I was going to get the opportunity to reconnect with my dearest friend. During the first two months of school, I had been anything but a good friend. So caught up in my own suffering, I found it difficult to talk opening and closely with her. Each time I spoke with her, I would watch her face frown and her eyes intensify with a mixture of worry and pity. It hurt me to see the hurt in her and I knew that as someone who had just come back from a life changing journey of her own to India, she was suffering in much the same way I was. It was my hope that during this trip we could get back to the core of our friendship and it did. I think that is what made this trip the best for me. No matter what I saw, or did, I got a best friend back and I got to make some new memories with her.
We only spent 3 and ½ days in Colorado, but it was filled with plenty of activity. Devi had numerous favourite coffee shops to show me, and that is what we did. We also left a little time for work, as the first day was spent homeworking (yes I made that a verb), with a little break through a park. This break was actually quite a nice surprise as the park near the library (where we spent the rest of the afternoon) had hundreds of prairie dogs…they were extremely adorable and I had never seen them so up close and personal. The next day we went to downtown Denver and I got to admire the long pedestrian walk way and some of the finer points of Denver’s public transportation. We also just saw the sights and sounds of the city and I was once again struck with the ways cities function in the US.
Now, I have been looking at Med schools and a lot of my choices have reflected a very careful consideration of the environment around that med school. I have looked at schools in cities which I think would have some of the lifestyle choices that I want to experience. Denver is on that list (University of Colorado, Denver). I was really hoping that Denver would feel new, and fresh and innovative…but it didn’t. It felt like Indy, or KC, or any other American city I have been to (with a few exceptions). I was a bit disappointed. This did kind of scare me. Maybe the feeling I was looking for, the public transportation, the nature cityscape, was a dream or a fabrication that I was never going to find again. I tried not to let this bother me. There are plenty beautiful things in Denver as well and I was grateful for the opportunity to explore it with a local.
We ended the day in Denver by going to the art museum with Devi’s mother. It was a great experience. We saw a local exhibit from a oil painter that I found captivating. We limited ourselves to two exhibits and I was thoroughly impressed with the scope and beauty of the museum. There was a moment though that stopped me dead in my tracks. I have made great strides in my ability to get over Oxford and my experience. I no longer feel the weight and longing that I did and I can usually talk about it freely without having to revisit the depression that I felt. But something about walking through the art museum reminded me of one of the last times I had been to an art museum, the Ashmolean near the end of my stay. It was as though the wind had been knocked out of me and I wondered if I wouldn’t collapse where I stood. Just another reminder that you can’t run away from your past and there will always be scars.
The last full day we spent in Denver was the one that I was looking forward to the most. Getting up extremely early (5am), Devi and I set off for Estes Park to go mountain climbing. We went to one of her more familiar trails and set off in the early hours to reach Tiger lake. It took about an hour or so to drive to Estes park from Devi’s home. When the car turned a corner and stretched before me was a valley which contained a small town beside Estes Park and the snow capped mountains just beyond, it was breath taking. I could feel my self grow more excited. We started the trail at about 8am (this was after grabbing coffee at another one of Devi’s favourites). It is a good thing I had a lot of enthusiasm because it was a constant uphill battle towards the lake. We climbed so high that it began snowing and both Devi and I covered ourselves back up in layers. I felt the challenge, but always kept up with the quick pace that a natural of the mountains, Devi, took. We reached the lake, after crossing some rapids with the bridge out, about 4 hours later at noon. We were getting a little tired, but mostly we were cold. We didn’t stay too long before turning around and making our way back. Sometimes you never realize how long you have been going up hill until you start going down it. It was a bit worrying going down, as the trail was littered with jagged rocks and once or twice I landed on them wrong. I tried to keep cheerful, but by the end of the journey, I was hurtin pretty bad. My hips were surprisingly the first to protest and I was relieved to reach the car. That said, I felt very accomplished. I have a fitbit pedometer and all around fitness calculator, which I wore through the whole journey. It felt good to accomplish the 16 mile hike round trip and climb the equivalent of 288 flights of stairs. I like to feel that I have earned my day, I have earned the opportunity to live, I have demonstrated my youth and fitness. Though it is clear it wore me out, as I crashed at 10pm that evening (an early night for a college student).
The last day we enjoyed some more time with Devi’s family before making the long and exhausting journey back. The drive back was a lot harder than the drive there, but I was grateful to have gotten to take the journey with my best friend.
Since coming back, I have continued to balance my social and academic life. It is working out better now, but I am struck by the constant grind that is academics at Jewell. I still struggle finding meaning in all of it. One of the good things that has happened is that my Medical School application is finally live and I have begun filling out the numerous secondary applications for the 9 schools that I am applying to. This has gotten me thinking about what I want to do after med school (I realize this is looking a bit far). I have begun to try and imagine my life as a doctor. There is one thing that has been rolling around in my head quite a bit. I have developed a fierce affection for infectious disease (this I’ve had for a long time) and I have also become very sensitive to global crisis. For awhile I joked about working for the CDC combating infectious disease in the lab, but with my new found global interests, I am thinking that maybe it would be better to look at a more global organization. I am honestly considering a career with the world health organization. Now there is a part of that which terrifies me. The idea of going into the developing world (far from my western amenities) is a struggle for me, but I also really like the idea of helping people and being there to fight crisis. I’m not adverse to putting myself at risk for such a goal either. I also like the freedom that such a career would give in terms of livability. Being a part of an international organization will give me the opportunity to see the world and possibly be based in any city I like. The restraints that I have now become aware of as a United States citizen may be more flexible as I truly get to be a global citizen. I’m of course not committing to anything yet, but it has been on my mind and it will take some time for me to sort the reality of the situation to the fantasy that I have constructed in my head. But it is worth mentioning.
I guess to conclude, I am trying to make the most of my situation here. I am trying to incorporate the lessons I have learned and the experiences I have had to my future in a real way. I still talk with people from the UK every day and I am touched by the friendship that I have found there. I am looking forward to visiting again next summer. There is a community there and it is waiting for me. There is a part of me that will never feel whole again without it. In the mean time, I am trudging forward, intrepidly and with a little bit of weariness. But, it is safe to say, all things considered, I’m doing just fine.
Until Then,
Adventures Await!
Adventures Await!
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