Phobias

This week was another week of business. I barely had a moment to myself until Wednesday, but then, a certain amount of busy is preferable. Between archery, role playing society, my remaining essays and other social obligations, I was stretched thin. Add that to the anxiety that I had acquired about travelling and it left me a bit shaken.

The week started off fun but busy. I went to see the Lego movie and dinner with some archery people, which was fun and the Lego movie was great. Then on Monday, I had my last philosophy of mind tutorial, which was similarly fun and also bitter sweet. I will miss having tutorials on the topic. Monday night fitness was also fun and had the special surprise of boxing gloves and pads adding some variety to the work out. I really loved cardio kick boxing when I did it for soft ball fitness in high school.

On Tuesday, I continued work for my next tutorial, had archery in the afternoon and then the debrief for role playing society's society game.  It was walking to archery that I was suddenly crippled with an anxiety attack. The days had already flown by and the anticipation of travelling again and perhaps subjecting myself to the same struggle and stress that had afflicted Sara and I last break made me terrified. I got some reassurance from my lovely archery team, but at the same time I was frustrated with myself. I knew that this fear was irrational, but in my gut and brain, vast amounts of hormones were switching my body into the fight or flight mode and I just wanted to cry. I tried not to think about it too much, but over the next couple of days, I would be struck once again with the same irrational fear.

Wednesday was the first day I had a little time to myself. I got my final essay of this term on Tuberculosis written and began watching parks and rec (setting in my home state of Indiana). I have been watching it on and off for the last month but in this last week I have become quite hooked. I think part of it is home sickness. Whenever they talk about Indianapolis or other Indiana specific references it makes me very happy. It also helps that it is fairly clever and the characters are quite interesting. I am ready to go home and I am to some extent honestly counting down the days until I get on my flight home for the first time in 6 months. There was also a pancake social that evening with Archery and I may have enjoyed a few too many thin crepe like british pancakes with nutella, chocolate, whipped creme, bananas, marshmellows, lemon and sugar and even bacon (not all at once).

The remainder of my week was a mix of anxious packing and planning (of which included making about 10 pounds of trail mix...I was worried about being able to cook during our travels), and hanging out with the people that mattered. The unfortunate side effect of my anxiety was a lot of stress eating and a bit of a falling off the horse in terms of my exercise regime. I was also under pressure to eat anything perishable remaining in my flat and that only exacerbated the problem.

One of the things that I hadn't expected to experience upon coming to the UK, happened this week. Xenophobia or general negativity/dislike/insult towards the US. I recognize that the US has a somewhat shaky world persona. That being said, I don't generally blame individuals for the presence of their government. Sara's friend John came to visit from the US and he has a habit of wearing cowboy attire, the boots, the hat, the whole nine yards. While at one of the meals, a waiter came over and informed us that he needed to take off his hat because some of the other people in the hall were offended by his american attire. I would have been fine if it was about respecting a dining hall and not wearing a hat, but from the way the waiter described, it seemed specific to the American nature of it. I would have let this moment go and counted it as just an odd situation, but then later in the week, while Rebecca (flatmate also from Jewell) and I were sitting at dinner, the guys next to us (older gentleman and faculty) blamed us for taking the extra appetizers when they were late for dinner. Now yes they used joking tones, but it was the immediate assumption that we were at fault when honestly it was primarily the other Regent's students at dinner and that this assumption was made based on our American status was frustrating. When I pointed this out, he made reference to how it would have been fine if actual Regent's students took them, insinuating that Rebecca and I don't count because we are visiting. I was extremely offended but just took the opportunity to ignore the group for the rest of dinner. These sort of xenophobic comments and alienation was disappointing and I didn't really expect to experience them in a respectable and scholarly university such as Oxford.

So break has begun and I have made it to York. I will likely do what I did last break and post at the conclusion of our time in the city (with pictures). I will leave discussions of our travels to York in the future.

Until next time,
Adventures Await

KH