Novelty is the interest and joy one finds in something new. There is an initial obsession that makes one want to find out all that it can and understand this new person or new thing and most importantly define it.
When I first arrived in England and more specifically Oxford, I was taken in by the novelty. I had never really moved and the cultural differences and aesthetic differences were jumping out at me everywhere I looked. I couldn't go into a grocery store with out immediately being confronted with new and different things. While some may find it overwhelming, I found the novelty exciting and I was genuinely happy to experience everything that Oxford had to offer. The one thing I didn't find novel, at least after the first day, were the people. Sure I found some of their accent quirks novel and maybe if there was a particular cultural phenomenon, that was novel too, but the people...well I always assumed that they were like any other person. A new student, all of whom were bright (I mean they made it to Oxford for heavensake), and at their core they were still people who loved and hated and cared and thought about things I wanted to know. I genuinely wanted to know everyone as people and get to know more about them, not because they were English, but because they were genuinely cool and interesting people.
But I wasn't the only one who found something or someone novel. Whether consciously or subconsciously, some of the people I met saw me as something novel. I became a novelty, and as a result, I got more attention than I was used to in the first couple of weeks. It brought about it, its own confidence that I was really pleased to have.
The thing about novelty is that before long it begins to fade. And that which was so unique and so interesting becomes common place. I was surprised to learn how quickly Oxford became common for me. How quickly I adapted to this new lifestyle. Thus my confidence was bound to take a hit, when the novelty of me faded...and I was no longer interesting to some of the people I met.
Before coming to Oxford, everyone who was studying abroad had to attend a mini-class in which the aspects of studying abroad were discussed in an effort to prepare those who were going for what was coming. I remember one of the talks specifically discussed the way in which one's mood would fluctuate through the trip. It was a sinusoidal graph with some troughs and peaks higher than others. I remember thinking, "why would I ever be sad?". I am an independent person and this is the experience of a life time. I have always adapted to new situations and new people. Before high school (year 10-13 for you Brits), I had spent no longer than 3 years at any school, meaning I had to meet and get along with a new group of people quite often. I wasn't one to really feel homesick and I was even prepared to deal with culture shock. So what reason would I have for being upset or frustrated?
Academically, everything has been going great. I've always been able to quickly adapt to my studies. There was hardly ever going to be an issue there. However, the other aspects of my life in the last week have been trying to say the least.
I find myself having to struggle against a form of alienation that I never expected to encounter. I was trying not to let it both me...about a week or two ago, but over time it began to really wear down on my nerves. I told you last week that I wrote an article for the William Jewell newspaper (http://www.thehilltopmonitor.com/en/32/4/698/Cardinal-Passport-Oxford-England-with-Kayla-Haffley-junior.htm). I was given the opportunity to write about any topic I would like. So I chose to talk about the one thing I never expected to experience while studying abroad, alienation.
I will let you read the article for yourself. It was therapeutic in a way to write it. That said, the effects persisted through this last week. I was building up stress (I'm pretty sure in my shoulders) and even when I tried to approach everything with optimism, I still found myself wanting to hibernate. To hide. To spend a little time away from everyone and everything and spend time for myself. The problem is, the world doesn't stop to wait.
As a result, I had an abysmal week at archery. I have injured myself again (Picture below) and the frustration of not doing well, only added to the emotional stress I was under. I tried to enjoy myself when I spent time with people...but I was definitely in a depressed state of mind. I didn't enjoy things as much as I had. Similarly, I was swept up by a certain loneliness. Unfortunately, I have always been someone who just wants another person to recognize that there is something wrong. To know that someone cares enough to pay attention. But this is unfair of me, as I don't make it obvious and tend to bottle it all up inside.
Also, the stress of planning a break for 2.5 people compounded it all. I couldn't even get excited about where I was going. I was only reminded of the added pressure to make the trip as inexpensive as possible.
So in conclusion, the first peak of the study abroad emotional graph is definitely Novelty, but this quickly fades both in yourself and in others. And thus the first trough begins.
I realize that this is a rant. I apologize. I know that I will reach an upswing eventually, but at this moment I am dealing with a trough. This opportunity is amazing, but it is also hard. I finally realize that now.
Adventures Await...as well as new highs and new lows. I'll get through it. It's a part of life.
KH
I've been there, actually. Or, rather, I'm still there in some ways. I find that the novelty of being the odd-out American will always follow you to some extent (new acquaintances who find out still say, almost without fail: "Oh, so you're American! Maybe you can explain George Bush to me...?")
ReplyDeleteBut over time, you assimilate a bit more, and what country you came from becomes just one part of your bigger identity. It won't ever go away-- it's still something true about you-- but the subject of conversations shifts away from talk about your respective countries and toward whatever you've been doing with that person lately, or what's been going on in the city you both live in. You just need time to build up a series of shared experiences before you can talk about them.
(Also, I need to get off Facebook more often. I'm rediscovering the joys of Blogger and LiveJournal, where people actually talk instead of maniacally sharing memes.)