Coming to a Close

So this blog post is extremely delayed and that is because weekends are the worst time for me now. From roughly Friday at noon to Wednesday morning I am booked solid with either Archery or Role playing society. I'm not complaining. I like being busy. It just means that finding the time to write a blog post is a little difficult.

Last week was about getting used to a new routine. I had my second to last tutorial which went better than expected and I found that outside of archery and role playing society, I had nothing more that I needed to do. This is probably for the best, as both keep me rather busy. The Friday to Wednesday business is very much limited to this span of time and there is no way to work ahead, leaving my Wednesday afternoon to Friday at noon very very free.

For role playing society I write between 15000-20000 words of creative writing outlining and explaining how successful characters are. We normally have from Friday evening (when we meet to discuss the outcome of all the actions and assign particular actions to particular GMs) to around Tuesday afternoon. I really enjoy doing it and I don't mind the excessive amount of writing. Not to mention, it provides me with a creative outlet that I have clearly been lacking for most of the year. I can't prepare in advance for this level of commitment either, as I can't write anything until the action has been discussed and the outcome predetermined. So it is not like I can ever get ahead and instead am forced to concentrate my efforts during this time.

For archery, the weekend is the prime time for tournaments. I either have one or two tournaments a weekend and in either case, the tournament is a whole day affair. So when this overlaps with the period of time I have for role playing society, there just isn't time to think about or do anything else. But I must stress I enjoy being busy and there is something fulfilling about having so much to do. Also, I have found it a bit therapeutic.

Another thing happened last week that really brought my mood to a low. The head advisor to the study abroad program that I am in from my home institution of William Jewell College was in Oxford for a visit last week. I had contacted him in advance regarding recommendations and through our discussions, had arranged to meet up, along with the fellow William Jewell students during his time in Oxford. As we sat in Greene's cafe, a cafe just outside of Regent's Park, and began discussing our year at Oxford, I was struck by the finality of it all. He informed us of the upcoming changes to the program and the initiatives that they were starting. He spoke of next year and the types of comprehensive exams we would be facing. We spoke as though this chapter in our life was already done. As I left to go to archery, I was overcome by the finality of everything. It wouldn't help that over the course of that week I was struggling with another sense of identity.

If I were to describe my time here at Oxford, there is a surreal element that is hard to place. It is as though my mind created a divide between my life in the states and my life here. My life here was completely my own. I was dropped in a new situation and I adapted. I learned to navigate and I made decisions that altered the experience I had, tailored it to my needs and desires of the time. As a result, this experience feels like it is my own. I have an overwhelming sense of ownership to this life and when I think back to my life in the states, I feel a surprising lack of ownership. I chose many aspects of my life back home, but there was always the sense that it was some kind of expected chain of events, its was normalized, it was not mine, but ours? I could be speaking nonsense here, but it made it really difficult to imagine what life would be like back in the states, as if my life before didn't exist, or that life was not true existence. I have felt more fulfilled in my time here at Oxford, and I don't think it is because it is foreign or the UK is in some way objectively better, but because the life I have chosen here has been unabashedly my own. I had no assumptions about how life in Oxford was supposed to work. Any advice I had received before hand was not useful because I couldn't conceive of how to incorporate it because I had not conception of how life here was going to work. Instead...this was a life I had to figure out and stumble through. I have felt and still feel that my time here in Oxford has been more living and thriving than I have allowed myself in the States. So what I have been struggling with in the last week, is upon realizing this...how do I make a change? How do I adapt to this new jarring experience of going back. Will I let this fade into a memory and return to not-living? Or will I try to incorporate this into myself and continue to Live? How much of this is my choice and how much of this is determined? So as you can see, a very tumultuous and thoughtful week.

On the less esoteric side, I shot the Diana competition this past weekend. It was an Albion which was a distance level up from the type of shoots I did the weekend prior. this meant that I shot at 80 yds (My longest distance yet), 60 yds, and 50 yds. No female Novice has ever shot an Albion in competition at Oxford thus far and as a result, I got to break a record, just by attending the shoot. I was still, however, endeavouring to make that record a hard one to break by shooting an impressively high score. Unfortunately, whether it was the full day of shooting the day before or my own tendency to develop bad habits, but I didn't shoot particularly well that day. It was a beautiful day and it actually got what I would consider to be hot. 80 yds wasn't as bad as it could have been, but I did the worst at 60 yds that I have ever done. I was certainly disappointed in myself, I would be a fool not to admit it, but that is another thing about archery that I like. Archery is as much a mental challenge as a physical one. You can be strong and you can know what you are doing, but if your mind isn't in the game or if you let yourself be affected by the bad shots, then you aren't going to shoot well. To be good at Archery, you need to be able to respond to stress and failure in a positive way, you need to be able to move on with the bad shots and learn from them. It is ok to make mistakes, because no one is perfect, as long as you can learn from them. It is frustrating, yes, and it is easy to make excuses, the weather was bad, or my body wasn't in peak physical conditions, but in engaging with struggle and remaining competitive with yourself, you develop a mindset of improvement. It makes you want to be resilient, strong and wilful. To improve in archery is to improve yourself. The next big competition is BUCS outdoors and it is a two day national tournament. From showings in the competition thus far, I have the potential to win or at least place very highly. In order to do that, I can't let competition get to me, and I have to practice, practice, practice. So that is what I plan to do.

I'm sorry that this blog post has been a bit scattered. I will admit to being a bit scattered this morning. The last week of my life has been a re-examining of the inner consciousness. Each opportunity to evaluate and re-evaluate allows me to learn about myself. Sometimes I feel the need to use this blog to set those thoughts into writing and to force myself to string together those thoughts that are hovering right above the surface. Until Next Time.

Adventures Await!

KH

Victory

This week has been one of many blessings and victories. I have gained confidence not only in my skills but many of my qualities as well. This week has proven to me that life is all about the communities you engage in and the goals you set for yourself. Overcoming and improving are the breath of life and competition feeds a fire in my soul. Now I'm sorry if this gets a bit verbose or off track, I am a bit knackered having only had only 5 hours of sleep between two days of full shooting, but for the purposes of keeping on schedule, this blog post must be written tonight.

My week began with very little expectation. I continued to go to archery fitness and prepare for the two tutorials that I had. I planned with the expectation that I wouldn't get much done this weekend with another two tournament weekend ahead of me in the form of Varsity (against and at Cambridge) and BUTTS league Outdoors (at Loughborough). On that Monday, I spent most of my time preparing for my first RPG society game as a gm. This meant plenty of writing and reading and getting briefed on various bits of plots that the characters and GMs had planned. I enjoyed every second of it, favouring it to any other work (besides archery). It has been awhile since I was able to flex those creative writing muscles that up until university had been quite well exercised. It was a reminder of that aspect of my life that had once been so important to me that I had since abandoned due to time. That evening was fitness and given that varsity was at the end of the week, I went early to do extra shooting and the fitness itself was quite brutal. I danced along the edge of passing out more than once and one of my fellow archers had to go to the A&E (ER) for heat stroke. That being said, I do kind of enjoy pushing my limits and was proud of my ability to gauge myself and listen to my body, making sure not to cross the point of no return.

My Tuesday was all about preparation. I completed in a rush the last minute details for turn sheets for RPG and also wrote the essay for my Thursday tutorial. I managed my time well and was reminded what being truly busy was. It was fantastic. That little part of me that remained unfulfilled these previous weeks was very much fulfilled. That evening I had a blast trying on various hats (both literally and figuratively) as I played various non-player characters (NPCs) throughout the game. There was plenty of drama and intrigue and I found that I enjoyed playing multiple characters for a short time than the one character for the full time. It gave me an excuse to interact with more of the player base and train my acting skills. It also served to prepare me for the bumps and unexpected problems that come with being a GM, which I think as a team we handled with grace, such as the players will never know (unless of course they read this blog or we tell them later). I relished getting a chance to get closer to this community which I felt I had neglect a little first and second term. It is a wonderful feeling, belonging.  Safe to say that I was fairly exhausted by the end and well and truly crashed that evening into late in the morning.

Wednesday was a day of equal parts accomplishment and joy. I had not too much to do and instead opted for a relatively slow pace. I decided that I wanted to go to archery and I slowly anticipated the next phase of the GM cycle which was hundreds of emails an hour (turned out to be a relatively quiet week this week). Shooting was a lot of fun and I returned home feeling like it was time well spent. It was then that I went through my daily ritual of checking in on my youtube subscriptions. One of my favourite shows is the PBS idea channel in which the host discuses media and pop culture in various philosophical contexts. It is quite entertaining and one of the main parts that I love is the end of the video in which they answer and discuss comments to the previous video that added to the conversation. I have commented on various videos as I felt I had something to contribute, but never had I been featured. This was unsurprising as there are 525,000 fellow subscribers and comments from youtube, subredit, IRC, twitter ect. They had just uploaded their hundredth video and as always I enjoyed listening to their self-analysing of the PBS idea channel in commemoration. What made this episode extra special, is that when they reach the comments from the previous episode, an episode discussing Orphan Black and the philosophical idea of Simulacrum present in the show, the host read my name and referred to one of my comments. (To watch video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aAWKD6OXGnA) Seeing my face (google account photo) and my comment appear on the video and hearing the host say my name was an amazing experience and I felt considerable pride at being referenced and contributing to the conversation.  Safe to say that my evening ended with plenty of joy and pride.

Thursday was a day of more training and also my final tutorial in infectious diseases. My tutorial went extremely well and I very much enjoyed speaking with my tutor about the nature of human's and disease and the way that humans shape the causes of an epidemic. It was bitter sweet in a sense as I really enjoyed the tutorial more than I expected and particularly enjoyed getting to know my tutor, Dr. Emma Coleman-Jones. She wished me well with plans to keep in touch. It was a shame that I had so few tutorials with her this term. That being said, the final tutorial was designed to draw in all of the topics we had discussed this term and some of last term and I couldn't really have asked for much more from her. That evening I shot at archery, finalizing my sight marks and practising the round for the two competitions which was a Windsor, 9 dozen ends total with 3 dozen at 60, 50 and 40yds each with 5 number scoring (gold=9, red=7, blue=5, black= 3, and white=1). Not entirely happy with how I shot during practice, I anticipated a better score the coming weekend.

Friday was all about RPG society again. I had a tutorial with my economics of developing nations tutor as well and that turned out better than I expected. I had a meeting with my fellow GMs that evening that would last a good 6 hours going through character actions and determining the appropriate outcomes. It was tons of fun and once again I enjoyed getting to know everyone involved. So far, my road as a GM has been fairly successful with only a few minor speed bumps along the way. However, I'm prepared to learn and am extremely self-aware as I try to learn the best ways to fit into this game half way through. It is loads of fun and that really does help get through the bulk of it. Knowing that I would have a busy weekend, I tried to get as much sleep as possible. It turned out that I was going to need it.

Saturday was varsity and we left at half past 8 in the morning. The Varsity match consisting of at most 8 experienced archers and 8 novice archers was held at Cambridge this year. It is the annual match between Oxford and Cambridge and as you can guess there is plenty of rivalry. The shoot was just outside St. John's college and it was picturesque. The weather called for rain, but throughout the shoot is was only mildly true and much nicer than NEUAL and the 1440 had been. I struggled at first in the match, not shooting very well for the first distance, but picked it up for the following two distances. The whole time I was in fierce competition with Sarah, who has grown considerably as a fellow female novice. In the end, I shot brilliantly for a female novice, breaking the club record by 70 points and taking first overall. Our Novice team creamed Cambridge's novice team by a good 300 points scoring a combined 2794¬8 which is very impressive. The experienced team likewise won overall with two of our experienced archers making club records of their own. We won in a land slide and the whole day was plenty of fun. The Novice team won the silver plate plaque (for another year) and the Experienced team won the rose bowl (for another year). It had lions on it and of course Sara and I had to take pictures. Additionally there were two bottles of Proseco and since I got the highest novice score, I got to be the one to pop the bottle. There were no individual metals but overall there was a lot of pride in breaking new records and winning as a team. We didn't get back until just before midnight and needed to be up and ready by 6am the next morning.

I got about 5 hours of sleep and was extremely tired the next day. I tried to compensate with caffeine and remained confident that I could outdo my shooting from the previous day. BUTTS in Loughborough was a completely different type of day. While there was some projected rain, which never occurred, it was largely sunny and hot with plenty of gusty wind. Now, rain is actually not that bad for archery. It makes the bow and arrows heavier which makes the arrows not fly as far, but it is a reasonably easy fix. Sporadic wind that blows in all different directions, however, doesn't make for very good shooting. Despite all of these things, my first 3 dozen arrows went better than the day before. I was winning the Novice lady category and as a team of 3 rather than 4, our novice team was in a solid 2nd place (ridiculous considering we had one less person that pretty much all the other teams). Then we stopped for lunch and I crashed. I began to feel vaguely dizzy and it became very difficult to concentrate. This only served to frustrate me as I really had been shooting well up to this point. The next couple of dozen were a battle of will and mental power, but this was the point when the wind picked up in random. I didn't have the mental fortitude to combat the wind and as a result I quickly began to drop points. Sarah got very close to my score and third place was quickly rising in the ranks. By the end of the second distance, I was winning by a very tiny margin. This is the point when fatigue set in and at this point, I could do nothing but watch my lead dwindle away to nothing. I was a bit devastated and scored 22 points below the score from the previous day (still would have broken the club record and still a respectable score). As a result, I lost first by between 5-15 points. While I recognize that I have plenty of valid excuses, I still felt a bit like I let my team down. Conditions are never  going to be perfect and it is my job to shoot well despite the conditions. It makes me want to train harder and become better, faster, and stronger! Our ranking in the novice team also dropped, but this was to be expected given the higher number of arrows shot, but we still managed to take 4th place overall and only lost by a 400 point margin from the 1st place team. This of course means that we could have had just about any of the other novices and would have won. The experienced squad won and Sarah and I took third and second place respectively. Jack also took 2nd place in the novice gents demonstrating that our novice squad is pretty beast. I just have to keep fighting and proving my worth. Despite all of this, of course, I am a bit proud. It is still a victory and our team celebrated along with the rest of BUTTS league with cook outs on the lawn. It was delicious and only further served to bond me to my team and the wonderful archery community that I have come to know and love here at Oxford. We arrived back in Oxford around 10pm finishing off a ridiculously busy weekend of shooting.

This week has been full of various victories, whether they be mental, social or physical. I have felt challenged and for the most part, I have met these challenges head on. I look forward to future archery competitions where I can continue to improve and show that I am one of the best novice lady recurves (allow me a little pride here). I have had so much fun and as I reflect on my dwindling time here in Oxford, I can't help but feel a deep endless sadness. These communities, RPGsoc and archery, have accepted me wholly and completely and I have accepted them. To lose such communities and to return to a community to which I do not have nearly the same love and compassion, is going to be one of the hardest things I have had to do so far in my life. It is so hard to capture happiness and I truly have found mine in my life here in Oxford. I do not look forward to starting from nearly square one next year. However, it doesn't do me good to dwell in the past or the future, but instead must cherish this time I have left. Tomorrow, I write up many many turn sheets and prepare for another week of RPG society and archery. Allow me this indulgence and all my time here will have been worth it.

Until Next time,

Adventures Await!

KH

Birthdays

This week went by faster than I anticipated. It was a fairly clear week academically, that is not to say that I didn't do work.

My week started out with me being free as a bird. I prepared a little for my tutorials down the road, but I had absolutely no pressure. I relished in the moment to slow down and instead focused on shooting. The weekend took a lot more out of me than I expected. I found it difficult to loosen up enough to shoot properly on Monday night and fitness itself was an undertaking. I pushed through, however, and made the most of the time I had to shoot before RPG society and my birthday the next two days.

Role playing society went marginally better and afterwards I partook in a mini celebration with them. I made flapjacks, chocolate and cranberry, to give out as a treat and enjoyed a quiet but joyfully chatty evening. I drank a little but not a lot and enjoyed the various happy birthday from the society as a whole. The focus of attention was not entirely on me and I appreciated the low key nature.

My actual birthday was a mix of this low key vibe and a busy evening. I woke up early, excitement and all, and went for a jog. I hadn't been jogging for awhile and appreciated the chance to stretch my legs. Then I spent the afternoon playing video games, a leisure activity that I have done less and less since going to university. Go figure. My friend Amelia also made a wonderful cake of chocolate ganache, cookie dough mouse, oreo ice cream with an oreo crust for Sara and I as a joint birthday gift. It was delicious and huge! I really enjoyed spending a low key evening on my own and was just getting sick of the solitude when my parents skyped me. It was really nice to speak with them on my birthday. Afterwards, I ordered Indian take out and then began a mini pre-drinking party with some of my close Archery friends. They gave us gifts and cards and I was extremely touched. The two also took a moment to appreciate Sara's birthday which was today (Saturday). We all got past the tipsy point into drunk period when we went to a nearby pub for the Archery social.

So many people showed up to the pub which only helped raise my mood to ecstatic. It was once again a joint birthday celebration with cake, which I wasn't hungry enough to eat. More drinks were had and that is where the night starts to blur. We went to the club and much dancing and debauchery was had. It was quite enjoyable and I am really thankful that so many people left their comfort zone and came out to the club with me.

The next morning I had a bit of a headache, but with no pressing work, I could afford to take the day slow. I did a little bit of work and then played some more video games before ending my day with archery. It was a gorgeous day and I enjoyed being outdoors. That evening I saw an email from the role playing society game master talking about how busy they were and in need of extra GMs.  I vaguely acknowledged it before going to sleep. That night, I had a dream about being a GM. It was a strangely coherent dream in which I examined the logistics and evaluated my desires about being a  GM for the game.  When I woke up the next morning I realized that my dream had done the deciding for me. I volunteered to be a GM.

Being a GM for a society game is an exciting prospect. What it does mean, is lots of reading and lots of writing. We had our first meeting that evening and it was quite a long affair, but I relished it. I have plenty to do and honestly it has super charged my energy. The work is fun and I don't mind doing it. But of course it has kept me busy.

Today was Sara's birthday and it was also the birthday for the turtle that lives on our college quad. They had a birthday party/fundraiser  for the turtle which we proceeded to pretend it was Sara's birthday. It was a beautiful sunny and relaxing day. I participated in the raffle and won! I got a make up spa day and some eye shadow and lip gloss.

It was a quiet and fun evening. This week has been full of decisions and a variety of emotions. I would say it was mostly possible and I look forward to the next week. Until next time.

Adventures Await!

KH

The Great Outdoors

I will admit, If I were to think back on this week, I would be unable to remember much detail beyond this past weekend, but I will try my best.

This week has been an off one. I have felt stressed and anxious for no reason. I try to do work and can't seem to get motivated. I think I am struggling with not having enough to do. A weird problem, I know, but I really do enjoy being very very busy. As a result, I felt a bit down for most of the week and I couldn't bring life to role playing society either. But like always, archery came in to fill that void and now I am more than anything excited for this next week which includes both Sara and My birthdays! Our 21st of course...Details in the next blog.

This weekend I had two archery competitions, one on Saturday and one on Sunday. We drove up to knutsford in north Cheshire on Friday evening, a 3 hours drive. We stayed at one of the experienced archer's homes for the weekend. Between the six of us attending, we had an entire minibus (15 seater). The evening was filled with fletching for the next morning and pizza in town. We needed to get up quite early the next morning for competition, so we quickly retired around midnight.

The 6 am alarm brought with it mixed emotions, excitement and dread. We all got ready and drove to the shoot which was about an hour away. The sky was already rumbling with rain and the forecast didn't provide much optimism. Prepared, I wore leggings and trousers (could not be jeans), one of my OUCofA stash shirts and a rain jacket. We arrived at the field about half past eight and set up tents and our bows. It was clear from the get go that the competition was poorly organized. The field wasn't set up yet and the registration hadn't even gotten going. At 9:15, they ran inspections on our equipment as this particular event had world record status and a strict set of rules regarding equipment and field needed to be followed. At just past 9:30 we managed to start shooting. There were three shoots going on that day, a Men's 1440, a Woman's 1440 and a Metric 2 or Cadet 1440. The rounds consisted of 4 distances of 3 dozen arrows each. The two longest distances had the largest faces and then smaller faces were used for the two shorter distances. I shot at 60m, 50m, 40m and 30m. I was largely on my own as the experienced archers were shooting the longer distances and the only other novice, Jack, was shooting one distances higher than mine. I was surrounded by novices who were either from the BUCS league or Northern England University Archery League (NEUAL). It quickly became clear how much Oxford had prepared me compared to those in NEUAL. At the two longest distances, most people couldn't even hit the target.

The thing about archery is that you shoot in any weather and I mean ANY weather. The day continued and with it came rain and wind. The field was already wet from the night before, but as the rain continued, mud and pools formed all over. My black trousers were covered in mud splatters from the first moment. Additionally, my trainers were soaked and muddy from the start. I was really thankful for my rain jacket and I was sure to keep moving to keep myself warm. With so many archers (easily a 100), there were a lot of delays. Every time an arrow bounced or equipment malfunctioned, we had a good 10-30 minute delay. Additionally, as the day wore on, the faces became so wet that they began to fall off. Which extended to further delays. The first 6 dozen lasted until 2pm and by then we had experienced off and on rain and plenty of mud. We had a quick lunch in our tent before starting back up again around 3pm. I was still pretty cheery and I had a goal in mind to score at least 1000. It required consistently good shooting and I was optimistic. Which each distance change closer, I continued to outclass my competitors. A girl on my boss didn't score more than 10 points until the closest distance. She hit the target face 3 times.

To stay cheerful during the rain and cold, I would sing and dance with fellow archers and constantly move. It kept me remotely warm and optimistic. Unfortunately the rain and wind persisted throughout the afternoon. One of the major downers was the end in which I aimed at the wrong face, losing 2 high scoring arrows on that target. Resolved never to do it again, I kept on. The 30m distance was going fairly well, but knowing how much I needed, I misjudged the scores I needed to get. In the end I came up 9 points shy of the 1000 mark. We completed shooting at half past 7 and by then, the chill had really set it. I found it difficult to keep warm, despite my best efforts to add layers. The rain had also picked up in the end. As a result, we left everything up and shoved it into the minibus (of which we had plenty of room). It took another hour for the award ceremony to get going but with it came good news. Coming nearly 150-200 points ahead of the second place novice lady, I took home the gold and likewise Jack also came home with the novice gents gold medal. Our experienced archers expressed frustration at shooting poorly, but given the weather situation it wasn't entirely disappointing. Our compound archer came in second despite it all, losing only to a world record holder and high ranking opponent.

We piled into the bus and made it back to Alex's home. We ordered Chinese and did our best to stay warm for another day of shooting. Despite changing my clothing which was muddy and a bit wet, and still wearing multiple layers, I found it difficult to stay warm. I was also exhausted and crashed as soon as my head hit the pillow. The next day, we did not have to wake up as early, but my sleep was intermittent and included a nice wake up call to strong calf muscle spasms (these very same muscle spasms would wake me up this morning as well). I also had a caffeine headache to the start of my day, as I had had no caffeine in the last 48 hours. I know, I'm such an addict. Additionally, my trainers which had been soaked the night before were not unexpectedly still wet the next morning. Given that they were my only shoes, I got to enjoy nice damp shoes to start my day.

 Despite all of this, we trudged on to the second archery competition this weekend at a nearby club to which Alex was a member. Today, I would be shooting a Ladies 1440, which meant I would shoot at 70m, 60m, 50m and 30m with smaller faces on the 50m and 30m distances. We had practice from 9am-10am and then began shooting at 10am. I will admit to being a bit reluctant to shoot and there were points in the middle where I wondered if retiring might be the right decision. I was vaguely sore already and quickly growing cold. It didn't help that it was raining most of the morning and my spot on the shooting line happened to involve being submerged in a puddle. As expected in such weather, I was not shooting particularly well at the farther distances. I did my best to stay cheery though and keep shooting. It helped that the shoot was much faster than it had been the day before. There were fewer archers (30-50) and most were fairly experienced. We had two delays the entire day. As a result, we finished the first 6 dozen at 1pm and had an hour for lunch.

My persistence in shooting paid off. Around this time, the sun came out and decided to grace us with its presence for the rest of the afternoon. The only down side was that it was quite windy. While this was better for my person, I was less cold and enjoyed just standing in the sun, it was not necessarily better for my archery. Gusty wind likes to blow arrows off target. Despite this, I managed to shoot better in the afternoon than the morning and my score at 30 m was miles above the day before. With such nice weather, I found that I acquired a second wind around the last 3 dozen. I really relished each end of shooting and found myself vaguely sad that there were so few ends left. I remarked at how I would have been happy to shoot more, despite each shot getting more difficult as my muscles fatigued and still being quite muddy and wet. Archery really does provide a stress relief and there are wonderful moments where I just enjoy shooting.

The shooting finished at half past five and the award ceremony was quick to pass. It was a two day shoot of which we were only participating in the second day and as a result, none of us were really eligible to win any of the awards. We were all quite cheerful in the end and happily packed up everything and made the long journey home. During that journey, I began to have trouble regulating my temperature again, but I made sure to keep warm with hot chocolate. There was a lot of comradary and I enjoyed the opportunity to grow closer to the wonderful archers and people that I have gotten to know at these shoots. We got back to Oxford around 11pm and I quickly took a shower and got warm.

I skyped my family with the hopes of wishing my mother a happy mothers day, but she wasn't there (out celebrating at her favourite place). So in this blog I would like to shout out to my wonderful mother. She has loved and supported me all of my life and been an amazing mentor to me. She works hard every day to provide for me and I love her so much. We may have fought as all mothers and daughters do, but I am proud to say that we have become the best of friends. I love you mom and thanks for everything. I hope you managed to have a good mothers day.

So, after a week of feeling down due to lack of activity, I had a weekend of non-stop activity. I feel recharged from it, despite feeling very fatigued and I am so glad I went. It was good experience and I look forward to many more shoots this term. Thus begins the week of my 21st birthday. I hope it is a good one! Until Next Time,

Adventures Await!

KH

Changes in Ritual

So the last week has been all about adjustments. Largely, adjustments to the schedule and habit that I had last term. It is a bit less ideal than before, but for some strange reasons.

The start of my week was very quiet. From here on out, I would largely have much of the day to myself with more than enough things to keep me busy with in the evening. I went to Hinksey, one of the local ranges, and shot before fitness. Fitness was not surprisingly much tougher than before and I struggled through it with everyone. The combined time devoted to shooting and fitness was 5 hours. Which isn't much in the grand scheme of things but is a bit annoying when it is over dinner hours. I was starving during much of the shooting but this would prove to be a common pattern.

I exhaustedly turned in for the night and the next day was faced with a day completely devoid of obligation and an evening that was really busy. My first tutorial was at 6pm, before which I review and got half way into costume for role playing society at 7:30. After my tutorial, which went moderately well, I rushed to my flat to finish my costume and grab a quick bite before meeting up with a friend to head over. My character Aiden was a huge success at the session. I was quite nervous to play her as she is very different from myself. She is a femme fatale with a heart burning with revolutionary spirit. I would be tempted to let the game and the many many many emails that followed take up my days, but I had enough self control to prioritize work.

On Wednesday, I was still sore from fitness and I needed to prepare my essay for Friday. The research done I set to the task and finished just as quickly as I had anticipated, only a 1 and 1/2 to write it. In order to utilize the meals that my parents were already paying for me, but that I often missed for archery, I forwent archery for the evening and had a quiet evening to myself. I was already beginning to feel fatigued by this top heavy approach.

On Thursday, I went for a jog with little success and prepared myself for a day much like my monday had been. Sure enough, I spent from 5pm-8:30pm shooting and this time in a nice downpour. This is when I learned what awaited me potentially for future practice and competition. Archery is an all weather sport. Just because its raining doesn't mean you aren't standing out on the line letting it soak you to the core. Safe to say when I got back and changed into new clothing, I curled up in a blanket and had a nice cup of hot coco. Little moments like this remind me to cherish climate control.

My Friday was shaped differently than any other day. I had a tutorial that morning which I really enjoyed, but in preparing for that tutorial (aka waking up), I realized just how lackadaisical I had become with my morning routine. Without any immediately pressing matters, I would allow myself to meander. A bit perturbed by the fact, I endeavoured to stick more closely to my 8:15am alarm, even when I had no reason to be up that early. I went to shoot that afternoon and began the process of re-tuning my bow. Tuning involves adjusting the surprising number of bits on the bow regardless of whether the arrow is fletched or not, it will fly in an ideally precise group. Unfortunately, because the walk to Hinksey is a good 40 minutes, I couldn't stay long and had to rush to get back for formal hall dinner. Hopefully I will finished tuning next week.

Saturday was a day of spontaneity. Sara had originally made plans with Katie to go see Much ado about Nothing at the Shakespeare's Globe in London, but Katie had fallen ill and Sara had an extra ticket. Happy to accompany her, I jumped on a bus with her to London and saw the show. The Globe stage is gorgeous and we had ground-ling seats which meant that we could stand anywhere by the stage for the show. It was a bit amazing to think of the numbers of peasants that would have stood where I was standing watching this same show performed. The show itself was spectacular, incorporating music in a surprising and effective way. The play, which I had not read or seen up until then, was well performed and quite hilarious. The stage directions were brilliant and I was very thankful to have been given the opportunity to see it.

All in all, this week was actually quite a good one and I was largely happy, but I did feel unbalanced. I like to feel busy and I honestly like to feel a little fatigued and sore because all of these things signal to me, a productive and well-lived day. However, even though I ended the day busy and fatigued, I was less thrilled about the hours of empty space. I often filled it productively but I felt a bit unchallenged. I have excellent time management skills, but they were of no use with this sort of work load. I didn't' need to bother and I felt like all those skills I had trained were slipping. I am sure that I will either adjust to the new schedule or find a way to alter it with time. I guess I should be thankful that I'm constantly given new opportunities to understand my self and my good life.

Until next time.

Adventures Await!

KH

Travels and Trinity

So Trinity term has just begun here at Oxford, I have already written my first essay, and archery has taken off. Safe to say that my return to Oxford has been fairly smooth and seamless. When I last wrote, I had just returned from a rather difficult final week of Easter holiday and now with some distance, it is time once again to reflect on my travels.

As always, my travels were more successful at turning my attention inward rather than outward. The first week was a lot of fun and for once, I felt that I managed to do travelling the right way. It was almost a vacation and I got to enjoy seeing the sights of York, Paris and Barcelona. That week reflected the best of the days we had had on our first break between terms and I was pleased that I had learned some of the tricks of travelling that made things run much more smoothly. It was also nice to spend time with Sara again, as I felt like we had grown a bit farther apart over the last term as we both had different obligations and interests.

My flight home however was a big mix of emotions. I really looked forward to going home and there was a sense of relief that washed over me as I realized I would not have the stress of travel. At the same time I was struck by the lack of novelty at coming home. The US is my home, no matter how long I am away, and the thing about going home, is that it isn't a new experience. You fall into all your old habits and behaviours. Everything is just as you remember it and nothing particularly huge has changed. Some would find this comforting, but I will admit that I was a little disappointed. I looked forward to culture shock in a sense. I was hoping to be confronted with America-ness after being away and for this to be some opportunity to reflect and better understand my culture.

Instead, I could have been flying home from somewhere from the states. It was almost too familiar. As I tried to implement changes into my life to reflect all of the habits that I had made in Oxford, ones that made me happy, I found it much more difficult than I had anticipated. This was largely due to the relative expansiveness of the US. With greater distances, I found I was almost forced into leading a more sedentary lifestyle. I resented this fact, but also knew that even if I did find a temporary set up at home, I was very quickly going to be moving around for the next half dozen years of my life. The weight of the realization that I was never going to be able to establish lasting habits until I had actually settled down was a bit depressing. It was wonderful to see my family and I missed them quite a bit. It was also great to see people back at Jewell and for a moment glimpse what my senior year was going to look like. Unfortunately, all of this was tinted by the lack of my more idealized lifestyle. Having a good environment had impacts that extended farther than I had anticipated. It made me seriously consider how I should chose my future Medical school and take seriously the agency I have in designing my life through my choice.

My return to the UK was as anticlimactic as my return to the US. I once again fell into the rhythm of travelling. My time on the Isle of Man would be the highlight of the break. Here was what a vacation was for me. Surrounded by a large group people who I really cared about, engaging in physical activities that were largely nature based, and staying in a very comfortable location for the night. What can I say, I'm used to vacations with a minimum of 5 people including myself. I have an extended family that regularly meets up as a group of about 10 on weekends. Family affairs are easily 15-20 people in attendance. Annually, I go on a camping trip with that extended family. I know most people find large groups daunting when it comes to travel, but I believe it fosters the best bonds and creates the best stories. There is no pressure on any one individual to make up all of the experience. Once again, this lesson is going to change the way I think about planning vacations.

The remainder of the trip would  be a lesson too. A lesson that sometimes things go awry and you have to make the tough decisions and lose money in order to insure that another's health and safety are secured. I can honestly say that the decisions I made were easy decisions and the mantra of last break, that everything will work out in the end, most certainly remained true. I was also given a lesson in carelessness and while I may have been tired, or I may have been stressed, I need to allow for things to go wrong and where it is important make proper insurances. I am still vaguely frustrated that I lost the money, but even this I find odd. It was never in all the time that I have been in the Europe because I missed out on location or didn't get to see something. Despite thinking that I had all these dreams and aspirations of travelling to places, I didn't really care where I went or what I saw while I was here. It all goes back to that feeling of awe that seems to be missing throughout this entire experience. I hate to think that I have become cynical or bored with life, because that is quite the opposite of how I feel.

Our return to Oxford was much anticipated by myself and I really was looking forward to getting back into the lifestyle I favoured. On the first day back, after all of my things were unpacked. I went for a jog at University Parks. The flowers were all in bloom and it was a reasonably nice day out (a little rainy but this is the UK). I wanted to get back to activity, so much so that Friday morning I couldn't stand for longer than five minutes due to the blisters and bruises I had given my feet walking and shooting the day before. I even  prepared and wrote my first essay of term. Everything has been pretty grand actually. Shooting outdoors brings new challenges, but I am extremely excited to face them. Here is to a good new term and as always, I will keep you updated.

Until then,

Adventures Await!

KH

Failure to Launch, aka Travel Series: London and Oxford

So when our story last left off, Sara and I had decided not to go to Loch Lomond and instead had been fortunate enough to find Chris who had offered his spare room to us for a few days before we picked up our travels in Glasgow where we had left off. This sacrifice was a bit pricey but I was both daunted by the idea of needing to help Sara and being completely unqualified and unable to do so and the stress that doing reasonably strenuous physical exercise that hiking in mountains requires. I was optimistic, however, that we would make the most of things and be back on track for Easter weekend. How wrong I was.

The few days that we spent with Chris were what I would consider fairly docile. Sara and I would go out into the city of Oxford and spend time reading or working on upcoming assignments, followed by a brief picnic at Christ Church meadows (which Sara had never been to in her 6 months in Oxford) and various attempts to visit the Ashmolean (which never came to fruition). Sara's medications had the tendency to make her either dizzy, nauseated or tired, and as a result, we never stayed out for more than a few hours. I was not particularly bothered by this as I took the additional time to work (which I sorely needed to do) and catch up on television and do the one thing I never seem to do on these breaks which is relax. This relaxation took some tinge of nostalgia as I found out that Steam had put up all of the Humongous Entertainment point and click adventure games of my youth such as Freddi Fish and Spy Fox.

In the evenings, when Chris was home from work, we would watch different British shows, chat and eat dinner. I really enjoyed getting to know Chris more than I already did and was grateful for the increased company. Unfortunately, on a whole I was also frustrated by the extremely sedentary lifestyle that this pattern was creating. Sara wasn't up for much more than a couple hours of walking and even when I bore more of the weighted load, I was constantly struck by the number of hours that I would spend sitting on a coach in front of my laptop. Escapism that I enjoy but not nearly for as much time as I was engaging in it.

Good Friday was a bank holiday, and Chris had the day off, and so, he offered to take us to a stone circle that was outside of Oxford (about 30 minutes) that we had spoken of a few days before. It was a wonderfully picturesque view of the country side getting to see fields of yellow flowers of rapeseed. There are fields after fields of rolling hills and because of the lack of trees, you get a spectacular view of an endless expanse of rectangular plots of crops. We also saw a number of farm animals, and as it was spring many babies as well (including cowlets as Sara referred to them in a slightly drug induced state). The stone circle was both simple and impressive. The rocks which had been placed with some intention of a burial site were 6000 years old and the lore behind them was also enjoyable. The story was of a king who marched on the land with his troops. On his journey he came upon a witch who agreed to let the king pass if he could see the town of Long Compton in 7 strides which lay just beyond the next hill. The king agreed and was nearly over the hill with his last step, when the witch made the ground under his foot rise up preventing him from completing the task. The witch then promptly turned the king into stone and the witch turned herself into a Hawthorne tree. There is more to the area and I will include the wikapedia page describing the monument (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rollright_Stones).

The whole trip was lots of fun and shortly after we went to a nearby town store/farm/restaurant for lunch. There I had the best lamb burger that I have had in England which was perfectly seasoned and reasonably priced. We also had some homemade ice cream for desert. Feeling sufficiently spoiled after the trip, we returned to Oxford for a quiet afternoon.

The next morning, Sara and I made our way to London to pick up our bus to Glasgow, to pick up the flight to Dublin. We were on time to the bus station and ready to begin travelling for the remainder of our journey. The bus ride to Glasgow wasn't the most comfortable. The bus was crowded and besides occasional dozing, I felt as though I could not get comfortable. My discomfort level would ramp up 100 fold when I discovered that the bus was running sufficiently late. In planning to catch up with our route, I had left only 2 hours between the bus arrival and the plane taking off. I realized this was close but was optimistic that if we arrived to the station within 30 minutes of the arrival time, we could still make it. The problem was that the bus was not within that window but a grand total of 1 and 1/2 hours late. Sorely frustrated at the unnecessary stops and continued delays, we rushed to the airport to hopeful grab a new flight with minimal fees. This would not be the case however. The woman at the desk informed us that there were no more flights to Dublin for the evening and that to get onto the next flight, we would need to pay an exchange fee of £68 a piece. There were no more flights to London either, except for a British Airways flight that would cost £260 for the two of us. We sat the airport frustrated and angry and tired of sitting. Given our slightly dire financial straights, we resolved to return to London, where we could crash with a friend for a few days before coming back to Oxford to begin term. The downside (besides the obvious) was another 9 hour bus ride back to London.

We made our way back to the bus station and on the way saw the tardis (which lightened our spirits). The bus ride was not as bad as it could have been. The bus was empty and this allowed everyone two seats by which to lay down and sleep. I got a decent number of hours of sleep and was quite happy to see my good friend Heather again. Another friend of ours, Ben, was also staying with her. So the four of us met up and had dinner together for Easter. We spent the next two days doing some relaxing and trying to de-stress from the events of earlier that weekend. One of the days, we went out walking to find and recreate a picture that my aunt and uncle took during their time in London in 2011. We also had a picnic and did some reading at St. Paul's cathedral where we learned of a free evensong which we also attended.

The next day we would go to Oxford to meet up with Katie for one night before returning to our flats to move back in and start a new term back at Oxford. This morning, I woke up with so much joy and excitement, I wanted to leave as early as possible to reach the flat. On the way however, my laptop would make a tumbling fall to the floor of the bus, popping out the battery and part of the cover for the hard-drive. Fortunately, everything was fixed and once I was finally settled, I did the one thing that I had been missing over the last two weeks, a run.

During my run, I was overwhelmed with a feeling of home and joy at returning to a life that I really had enjoyed building for myself. Oxford is a gorgeous city and I love living so close to everything I need and still having beautiful nature to immerse myself in. I am excited to get back into the swing of things and begin term with all the archery, role playing society and of course tutorials. Returning to Oxford has made me so immensely happy and it is only twinged with sadness at the thought that once again my lifestyle is temporary and all the habits and things that make me happy will need to be recreated anew in a new place for another temporary time. Being in Oxford has made me realize the joy that can come from laying down routes and building a life for myself. It has only made me frustrated at my lack of continuity and routine that my life has to hold over the next 5-10 years. That being said, I have no intention to change my future goals or aspirations and recognize that it is an element of my youth that necessitates the frequent moving around that lays in my future. For now, however, I will live in this beautiful and wonderful moment. I look forward to seeing all my friends and participating in all my hobbies.

Until Next time,

Adventures Await!

KH